


Into the Breach, My Love, the World's Coming Fast

by InsaneJuliann



Series: The Evolution of Buddie [16]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Accidental Outing, Bad Parents, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29360181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneJuliann/pseuds/InsaneJuliann
Summary: Buck's spending more of his time at the Diaz house lately - which means when Maddie finally goes into labor, Eddie of course comes along with him. He wants to have Buck's back, while Buck inevitably has to be around his parents. Eddie can deal with them, he figures, if it means helping Buck.Of course it's not that easy.Eddie's left feeling more out of sorts than he has in a while, and hating himself for it.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: The Evolution of Buddie [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1730287
Comments: 59
Kudos: 290





	Into the Breach, My Love, the World's Coming Fast

**Author's Note:**

> It's my birthday and in the tradition of Hobbits I'm here with a gift for you all. In fact, keep your eyes peeled for other updates for other stories/verses later today cause those will get gift-postings too.
> 
> Catch me sneak-posting at work to bring this to you.
> 
> Title is me mashing up some lyrics from Ship to Wreck by Florence & the Machine.

Buck spent most of the next week or so at Eddie’s. He went back to his place once or twice, usually just to get some things. He stayed there one night, after a long phone call with Maddie earlier that day. When he came into work the next day, he looked exhausted but also a little more settled. He came back with Eddie that night, and told him they’d talked, cleared the air a bit - that things were good between them.

Eddie knew it was a huge weight off of Buck’s mind. No matter what anyone had told him, some part of Buck had been sure Maddie was going to be angry with him for not agreeing to more time with their parents, was going to accuse him of being a bad brother or something. She hadn’t, of course; as much as Buck loved her, Eddie knew Maddie loved him. 

It made the silence from his own sisters ache, but Eddie was working on letting go of things beyond his control. He could only do so much,  _ give _ so much, and if other people chose to not reciprocate that or to make choices that hurt him, he had to accept when he’d done all he could on his end and let it go. Frank had been rather proud of him, when he’d managed to fumblingly articulate that. 

He could only give and do so much, before it wasn’t worth it anymore. Even for family.

New Years Eve came and went - the team all placed bets on the types of calls they would get that night, and Hen was the one who ended up winning. Maddie’s due date came closer and closer. It had Chim checking his phone every five minutes, just in case he’d missed a call or text, and Buck grabbing some sort of baby gift every time he went to the store with Eddie. 

Buck didn’t talk about his parents. Eddie didn’t bring them up either. 

Chim, however, did talk about them. A lot.

“Maddie and her mom reorganized the kitchen,” he moaned, dropping down at the table with a breakfast plate. Hen and Eddie both looked up at him. “I spent ten minutes this morning trying to find where they’d put the coffee before I just gave up.”

“We have coffee here,” Eddie pointed out.

“Nah,” Buck said with a bit of a laugh. “He wanted  _ Maddie’s _ coffee. She buys this really expensive like, hipster brand.”

“Don’t act like you don’t also prefer her coffee,” Chim said, pointing his fork at Buck. 

“I’m not,” Buck grinned. “It’s really good coffee. Which is why the coffee here tastes kinda nasty if you’ve gotten too used to hers.”

“Subpar coffee,” Chimney said sadly.

“She still buys it even though she can’t really…?”

“She has a cup a day.” Buck took a bite, tilted his head, and added, “I think she also sometimes just smells the beans and pretends she’s going to have more.”

Eddie almost choked on his food from the sudden laugh that hit him.

Chimney also talked to Buck sometimes for a bit, tucked away in some quieter corner of the firehouse. Eddie never asked, but usually at the end of the day Buck would tell him whatever it was Chim had shared. That Maddie had told their parents to leave him be; that Chim was asking about the history behind some remark that had stood out to him; sometimes just to rant.

“They’re… not easy to deal with. And Chim’s already coming at them off the wrong foot, having a baby with Maddie when they’re not married or engaged. I hadn’t heard them say anything, but I’m sure they have to Maddie or Chim or the both of them.”

Eddie grimaced. “How long are they staying again?”

“Why? Looking forward to getting your bed all to yourself again?” Buck teased, leaning in closer, pressing all against Eddie’s front.

Eddie snorted, curling his hands around Buck’s hips. “So much less laundry to do when it’s just two people.”

“Knew it,” Buck muttered, but his grin only grew, eyes crinkling. Eddie huffed a laugh back, tilting his head to brush a light kiss over Buck’s lips. 

“How much longer are they gonna be here, driving Chimney to newer heights of frazzled?”

“Mm.” Buck’s expression shifted to one of resigned defeat. “Well, they said until the baby was born. Which probably means they’ll stretch it to as long after as they can, to ‘help’ Maddie out and remind her of all the ways it’d be easier to raise a baby if she had family nearby.”

“She has you. And us.”

“I know.  _ She _ knows. It’ll end up being a little quiet battle of wills between them, or until something back home demands Mom’s attention.” Buck shrugged. “Is what it is.”

Eddie shook his head, but didn’t say anything more about it. 

Maddie’s due date came and went, Chimney winding tighter as each day passed. 

“It’s not uncommon,” Hen said to him, but Chimney just insisted he knew that. He didn’t seem really reassured though.

“Shannon had to be induced,” Eddie offered to Buck one night as they cleaned up from dinner. “Course, first day we were gonna have it done, someone else went into early labor and took the room,” he laughed. “So we had to wait another day or so.”

“Maddie was joking the kid just wants to out-stubborn her.” Buck grinned at him. “I told her they’ll fit right in with the rest of us then.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “You Buckleys are stubborn enough, we don’t need it in triplicate.”

“I do wish it’d just happen already.” Buck leaned back against the counter. “Just cause it’s kinda nerve wracking, right? The waiting, I mean. What if it happens when we’re all out on a call and she’s alone?” He paused, nose scrunching. “Well, alone except for Mom and Dad. Who will probably then hold that against Chimney too.”

“Your parents seem like pieces of work.”

Buck shrugged. “I’m not  _ exactly _ gonna argue with you about it.”

Huffing quietly, Eddie put the last dish in the dishwasher and dried his hands. “Look, I’m sure it’ll work out. Whatever happens, whenever it does, it’ll be okay.”

Buck nodded, arms folded and staring down at the floor still. A little frown was on his face, mostly pinching between his brows. Eddie leaned against his side, waiting. 

“When I go… could you come with me? I don’t wanna have to deal with them alone, and Maddie and Chim are gonna have enough on their hands with having their baby finally here….”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll go with you.” Eddie wrapped an arm around Buck’s waist. “You helped me face down my parents, I can help you with yours.”

Buck smiled, wry. “Only if you’re not doing it  _ because _ of that.”

“I’m not.” Eddie rolled his eyes. “I’m just saying. You’ve been there for me, Buck. Let me be here for you too.”

“I know,” Buck said quietly. “I’m - I’m so glad I got you, Eddie. In my life, not just as my boyfriend.”

“Got your back. Always.”

Finally, a real grin was back on Buck’s face, and his eyes softened up. He turned towards Eddie, leaning in and brushing a soft kiss that was all kinds of enticing over Eddie’s lips. “I know you do.” The next kiss was just as soft, but longer, more leading.

Good thing Chris was already in bed. Hopefully fast asleep, because they bumped into the walls twice on their way down the hall to Eddie’s room.

When they did get the call, they’d actually just been settling down for dinner.

Eddie let Buck scramble about, talking a mile a minute and clearly both nervous and excited. While Buck ran about the house grabbing everything they could possibly need, Eddie called up Mari and Vic and asked them to come watch Chris for the night and get him to school the next morning.

“No problem!” Mari said cheerfully. 

“We were just sitting down to eat,” Eddie explained. “So it’ll just be bathtime and bed. Make sure to check his backpack for everything in the morning.”

“I have sent him off to school before.” She sounded amused.

“Yeah, well, even I forget to do that sometimes,” Eddie chuckled. “And of course every time I do forget it feels like is the time he has some big homework assignment due or something.”

She laughed. “Vic and I’ll be there in like twenty minutes. Think Buck will manage to wait until then?” 

Eddie leaned to look down the hall, watching Buck walk out of the bedroom, turn around, and go right back in, mumbling to himself. He grinned. “Oh, I think he might need the time to actually get everything together.”

Once they hung up, Eddie made sure he had his jacket and keys, tucked the spare phone charger in the kitchen into his jacket pocket, and set about putting their dinner into tupperware. Buck probably wasn’t feeling too hungry at that exact moment, but Eddie knew how long the actual wait could be and figured they could eat in the waiting room or something. Chris sat at the table finishing his own dinner, grinning with Eddie when Buck poked his head in and asked if he should get a gift.

“You can get one at the giftshop if you want,” Eddie said. Buck made a face, like he didn’t entirely agree with that plan, but didn’t say anything, just heading back down the hall.

“Buck’s nervous, huh?” Chris said.

“Yeah, a bit,” Eddie chuckled. “It’s pretty normal. I know I was when you were coming, and Abuelo came half in his pajamas.” He smiled slightly, feeling a bit of nostalgia and bitterness. “Tia Adrianna got a ticket for speeding, too.” It was the only ticket she’d ever gotten, something they had all teased her about in the years since. She’d always jokingly claimed the ticket was really Eddie’s fault, for calling her in such a panic.

Vic and Marisol showed up a bit later, Mari heading to find Buck and Vic coming into the kitchen to catch up a bit with Eddie. A few minutes later, Buck ducked his head in. He raised a brow at Eddie, silently asking if he was ready. He seemed somewhat calmer, though his eyes were still a little wide and he practically gave off the feeling of being this close to bouncing with antsy energy.

“Thanks again,” Eddie offered as he stepped out into the hall. 

Vic waved them off, standing in the doorway as they stepped out. “What’s family for, yeah? Let us know how it goes.”

“Will do,” Eddie agreed. Buck was already waiting by the truck, so Eddie wasted no time getting in and starting it up. He watched from the corner of his eye as Buck clearly tried to calm down, taking very slow breaths trying to still. His fingers still tap-tap-tapped at his thigh, as if Eddie wouldn’t notice.

When they stopped at the next light, Eddie reached over and grabbed Buck’s hand, squeezing. “It’s gonna be fine,” he said quietly. “Maddie and the baby are going to be fine.”

“Yeah.” Buck swallowed. “Just - I’m trying not to think, y’know, about all the things that  _ can _ go wrong.”

“I know.” Eddie’d been there. “But no reason to stress out before you have a reason to. Be excited instead - you’re finally gonna know if you’ll have a niece or nephew.”

“I can’t believe they refused to tell me,” Buck grumbled immediately.

“Oh, like you and Josh and Albert haven’t been betting on it.” Eddie grinned at him. Buck’s lips twitched before he set them back in a grumpy pout. 

They were almost to the hospital when Buck took a deep breath and brought Eddie’s hand up to kiss the back of it. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “For coming with. For calming me down.” He swallowed. “And uh, sorry about my parents. Preemptively.”

“Whatever shit they pull, it won’t be your fault.”

“Yeah,” Buck sighed. “Just got a… bad feeling I guess.”

And wasn’t Eddie familiar with that. Bad feelings and parents seemed to be the norm for their immediate group unfortunately. 

They parked and headed in. On the way, they met up with Josh, who also seemed both excited and nervous. Eddie let him and Buck chatter, their words fast and sometimes almost tripping over each other. Eddie let them exit the elevator first ahead of him, and snapped a picture of them to send to Karen. 

In the waiting room, a few people were waiting. Eddie recognized Albert, who was sitting near an older man. Though he didn’t particularly look like Buck, something about the jaw or nose reminded Eddie somewhat of Buck, and he felt pretty safe presuming this was Mr. Buckley.

“About time,” he said when they came closer. It was in that joking tone that felt like too much effort. “Who’s this?”

“Ah,” Buck said, steps faltering a little. “This is Josh, and Eddie,” he offered, gesturing to each of them in turn. “Friends.”

Mr. Buckley’s eyes didn’t narrow and he didn’t frown, but his look was still assessing as it ran over the both of them, a little too sharp for the pleasant grin on his face. “Well. Glad they could make it.”

Albert was grimacing in the background. Buck shifted awkwardly on his feet. 

Josh cleared his throat, glancing at Buck as if he could clarify what the sudden tension was about. “Uh, is Chimney back with Maddie?”

“Yeah, and her mom too,” Albert said. “Howie came out for a bit, said the nurse thought it would still be a while. Had half a mind to order some food.” He chuckled, a bit forced.

“Way ahead of you,” Eddie said, grinning. “I brought some dinner.”

“No reason to rush over here and interrupt your dinner,” Mr. Buckley said. “Really, tried to tell Albert here the same thing.”

“It’s my brother’s kid.” 

“Dad,” Buck said, sounding a bit exasperated. “Leave ‘em alone. Eddie’s part of the team, and Josh works with Maddie… they’re practically family.”

“I don’t want to fight, Evan,” Mr. Buckley said, lifting his hands and using an overly patient tone. 

Eddie clenched his jaw and then made himself relax. He took a seat near Albert, and after a moment and another glance at Buck and Mr. Buckley - who were having a not-quite-heated and hushed conversation a little ways away from them now - Josh joined them.

“Maddie said things were tense with them, but uh…” Josh grimaced.

“Yeah. You should see family dinners,” Albert said, a little grimly. “Politest World War 3 I’ve ever seen.”

They were quiet for a bit, watching the two Buckleys before Buck turned and headed down the hall and Mr. Buckley came over to join them. Albert sighed.

“So!” He sat down and considered them. “You two work with my kids, huh?”

“Yeah,” Josh said after a moment. “I actually helped train Maddie when she started at the call center.”

“You know she used to be a nurse?” Mr. Buckley sighed, shaking his head. “Still not sure why she decided not to do that anymore. Good money in nursing.”

Josh started to say something and stopped before even a sound got out, glancing at them for help. “Um, yeah… she mentioned it a few times. She’s amazing with calls, though,” he said after a bit. “Really calm, reassuring.”

“Hmm.” Mr. Buckley’s attention turned to Eddie. “And you’re another firefighter?”

“Yes,” Eddie said, keeping his tone polite. “Joined the 118 a couple years ago, got paired up with Buck on a call one of my first days. Rest is history.”

“Huh. Evan any good?”

“Course he is,” Eddie said, instead of a few of the first things that popped into his mind.

“Wasn’t sure he was going to keep up with it, you know. When we heard about his accident, we pretty much were expecting him to come home. Surprised us he stayed, was let back on, considering how bad the injury was.”

“Buck’s a fighter.”

Quiet fell. Eddie resisted the urge to text Karen or Mari about how much he already was regretting having to interact with Buck’s dad, and instead just responded to Karen’s text asking for updates that he’d send them as he got them, and then pulled up that game he’d been playing lately to pass the time. Buck returned after a while with coffees for all of them - Eddie kind of wished Buck had been petty enough not to get his dad one - and dropped down into one of the chairs across from them.

If no one else was there, he’d pull Buck close, reassure him. Hell, Eddie  _ wanted _ to, wanted to wrap an arm around Buck’s shoulders and scratch lightly through Buck’s hair in that way that made him relax into a boneless slump against Eddie’s side every time.

But he was too fucking aware of the way Mr. Buckley was watching them all, eyes sharp, and knew how gossipy Josh and Maddie could be, didn’t know Albert enough to be sure the kid wouldn’t go telling everyone. And the idea of people knowing… Eddie wasn’t sure. Part of him thought maybe, with the team, he’d be okay. The rest of him felt vague panic.

Next session with Frank, he should probably talk about it. The panic never felt consuming, but it sat in his throat and left him somewhat nauseated, like -

Like something bad was going to happen when it came out.

He grimaced. Definitely something to work through, probably with Frank’s help. Eddie wasn’t  _ ashamed _ of being with Buck, of the whole bi or pan or queer or whatever thing. (He’d not really bothered trying to find an exact label, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever really feel the need to. He wasn’t straight, and he was attracted to Buck, and that was kind of all that mattered to him.) But something about  _ telling _ people still made him feel panic. Maybe of the questions, or of being judged, or… he didn’t know. 

This wasn’t the place to really ponder it. 

If Eddie thought meeting Buck’s dad was a test, meeting his mom was worse.

Maybe the worst part, Eddie thought, was that he recognized the smile on her face, canned and bright and fake. It was almost the exact same smile that had been on Buck’s face, when he’d been trying to pretend he was fine and refusing to talk about all this bullshit surrounding his parents visiting. It made Eddie want to hate her instantly.

She looked a lot more like Buck than his dad did. Same eyes. Same blonde hair. 

And that same damnable smile.

Her handshake was firm, when Buck introduced him and Josh. She was a lot politer than her husband had been, but Eddie didn’t trust it. Still, he stayed polite and smiled at her even if he didn’t feel it one bit. He got the sense she was used to fake smiles, probably didn’t even really notice them much.

“Thank you, dear,” she said when Mr. Buckley offered her his coffee. She didn’t sit, just stood next to him.

“You know how that stuff doesn’t sit well with me,” he said, giving her a fond smile. “Always said you have an iron stomach.”

She laughed, putting a hand on his shoulder and leaning over to kiss his temple. 

“Any updates?” Buck asked after a moment, voice a little quiet. Eddie cast him a glance, but Buck wasn’t looking at him. He was watching his parents, almost but not quite wary.

“Mmm,” Mrs. Buckley hummed, taking another sip of coffee. “Not really. I figured I’d leave Howard and her alone for a bit to talk. Heaven knows I wanted my parents to leave me be for a few minutes when I was in there myself.” She gave a light laugh. Mr. Buckley chuckled as well.

“I’ll let her know you’re all here though when I go back in. I’m sure she’ll appreciate your support. Though please, if you have places to be, don’t let us keep you.”

“I’m good,” Eddie said, leaning back and folding his arms. “Got my cousins watching my son for the night, and no shift tomorrow.”

“Thankfully,” Buck muttered, huffing a laugh. “Guess timing worked out okay after all.”

Eddie cast him a grin.

“Oh, you have a son?” Mrs. Buckley’s smile widened. “How old is he?”

Resisting the urge to not respond, Eddie said, “Ten.”

“Ah, ten. Evan was a handful at ten.” She looked at Mr. Buckley. “We got him into baseball when he was ten, right?”

“After he asked us to join the school drama club. Better use of all that energy, playing a sport outdoors.”

“Is your son in a sport?”

“No,” Eddie said shortly. He didn’t elaborate. Mrs. Buckley’s smile didn’t falter, only widened. 

“Well, it’s a great age to get them involved in one. Never too early to start on those extra curriculars for college applications! Maddie had so many by the time she applied, I worried it wouldn’t all fit,” she laughed. “She managed to be so well-rounded with them too. Swim team, debate team, student council, a couple years of playing the flute.”

“Did you learn an instrument too Buck?” Josh asked.

“No,” Mrs. Buckley said at the same time Buck said, “Taught myself a bit of guitar.”

Once again there was a heavy few moments of awkward silence.

“I’m sure Josh meant learn in more of a professional sense,” Mrs. Buckley finally said. “And you didn’t really stick with the guitar, did you?”

“You should teach Chris,” Eddie said, focusing on Buck. “Better than playing all those video games.”

“Good on you for limiting his time on those things.” Mrs. Buckley gave him a smile. “Too many parents these days let electronics substitute for family time, I think.”

Buck finally cast Eddie a glance at that, quietly pleading. Eddie ground his teeth and forced himself to turn a smile on her.

“I was only suggesting it since my kid tends to beat Buck at video games. Figured Buck could use a break of gettin’ his ass whooped.”

Albert made a muffled choke noise. Josh laughed, short and a bit startled. Mrs. Buckley just blinked a few times, seemingly stumped, if only a few moments, on what to say.

“That’s cause Chris cheats.” Buck gave him a grin, fond and amused. 

“And I wonder who he learned that from.” Eddie raised a brow, smiling back.

“Ah, I take it you two are close?” Mrs. Buckley’s smile seemed a bit more fixed. Eddie took a strange kind of joy in that.

“Maddie likes to-” Josh started to say, but Buck quickly interrupted.

“Well, we work together, and Eddie does have the most adorable kid.”

“Not sure you can say that anymore, with our niece or nephew on the way,” Albert joked.

“I’m sure Chris will understand,” Eddie teased. Buck’s face scrunched up, a playful grimace.

“Well.” Mrs. Buckley finished the last of the coffee. “I’m going to go see how Maddie and Howard are doing.”

The next two hours kind of went the same. Mrs. Buckley came and went. Chim came out once, downed a coffee Albert got him, and left again after a few minutes.

Eddie came back from using the restroom to find Buck missing. Instead of joining the others, he went to search for him. 

He found Buck leaning against some vending machines, looking tired and stressed. Eddie went over and wrapped his arms around Buck from behind, pressing a kiss to his shoulder before resting his chin on top. Buck - didn’t quite relax, but dropped some of the tension he was holding, pressing back against Eddie more. One of his hands came up, resting overtop one of Eddie’s, fingers almost linking.

“Hey, how’re you doing?” Eddie whispered.

“I can’t decide if it’ll get worse if I just stop talking and responding, or better.”

Eddie scoffed slightly. “Think it might just be lose-lose buddy.”

“Yeah. Thought so.” Buck let out a sharp breath. “Fuck.”

Using the hand Buck was sort of holding, Eddie stroked up and down a little, tilting his head to press a soft kiss to his neck. “I won’t try to tell you to go home, take a break. I know you want to be here. I know I probably can’t even convince you to take the truck and go get take-out or something for everyone. But if there’s anything I can do….”

“You’re doing it.” Buck straightened, turned in Eddie’s arms and wrapped his own around Eddie too. “Just being here… knowing you’re here for me, it’s enough Eddie. It’s - it’s what I need.”

Buck’s hand came up, curling around Eddie’s jaw, tilting it for a kiss. They spent a few minutes, just holding each other, exchanging a few kisses. Nothing really intense or deep. It was comforting, reassuring, at least for Eddie and he hoped for Buck too. Buck at least seemed a bit more like he was shored back up to face his parents and the wait again. He got a couple candy bars and bags of chips from the vending machine and they headed back, Eddie trying to convince Buck to a game of rock paper scissors for the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

Buck slowed as they turned the corner into the waiting room. Eddie could see why as soon as he stepped around Buck. Albert looked a little wide-eyed and halfway through trying to say something. Josh’s brows were raised.

And the Buckley parents were both standing up, Mrs. Buckley with her arms wrapped around herself and her fake smile finally gone. Mr. Buckley had a hand on her shoulder. Both of them were staring towards Buck and Eddie, and they didn’t look happy.

“...What?” Buck said lowly, glancing between them. He took a few steps closer. Eddie followed - not sure what they were walking into, but not wanting to leave Buck without someone at his side. He didn’t know Josh too well, and he didn’t think Albert and Buck were particularly close either. Someone had to be on Buck’s side like he might need. Whatever was about to come, Eddie felt like it was going to be big.

Mrs. Buckley looked from Buck to Eddie and back. Eddie got a sinking feeling, which paired unpleasantly with the sudden tightness in his throat.

“Evan, if you want to spend some… personal time with your boyfriend, there’s no reason for you to stay here while we wait. You can just come by tomorrow.”

“What.”

She waved a hand slightly towards them. “Your boyfriend. I don’t know why you didn’t just say it when you got here. I was thinking maybe it was Josh, since Eddie apparently has a son, but….”

Eddie’s throat felt like it was swelling shut. He felt frozen in place. He couldn’t make himself look over at Josh and Albert, couldn’t make himself look at Buck - he was frozen watching the Buckley parents. 

“What makes you think-”

“Don’t try to lie to me, Evan,” Mrs. Buckley said sternly. “I saw you two making out in the hallway a few minutes ago.”

Buck was quiet for a bit. He sucked in a deep, sharp breath, and then let it out slowly, noisily. “Mom-”

“Really, Evan, you could have just said it. It’s not like you didn’t tell us you were seeing a man. You know we don’t-”

“It’s not-”

“Don’t interrupt your mother, Evan,” Mr. Buckley said sharply. “Bad enough you’re off acting like some randy teenager in the hallways of a hospital, while your sister-”

“That-” Buck cut off, taking another sharp breath. “What I do, and who I do it with, isn’t your business. I didn’t have to tell you anything - and you shouldn’t have brought it up in front of other people like this.”

“Well the way you were acting, I hardly thought you’d be  _ embarrassed  _ or  _ hiding _ it.” Mrs. Buckley made a short, annoyed noise. 

“And it’s still none of your business!” Buck snapped. “What, did you come right over here and start interrogating them?” He threw a hand towards Josh and Albert. Eddie’s eyes felt drawn to the movement. Josh looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there; Albert was nodding slightly, lips pressed tight, meaning Buck’s accusation probably wasn’t wrong. 

Josh glanced at Eddie and caught him looking. He gave him a sympathetic kind of grimace, and Eddie had to look away quickly. 

He cleared his throat, and then had to again when it still felt tight and clogged. “I uh. I should go.”

Buck twisted around so fast Eddie almost expected him to lose his footing. His eyes were wide, and panicked. Upset. Eddie wondered what he looked like - as panicked and sick as he felt, if the numbness creeping into his fingers and cheeks was visible in some way.

“Eddie-” Buck croaked, sounding… fuck, he sounded so achingly sad. Afraid.

Eddie could relate.

“I should go,” he repeated, not sure what else he could say - not wanting or able to say anything more revealing in front of all these people, most of them more strangers than not. There were other people in the waiting room, too, tucked into corners, able to witness this whole fucking dramatic mess. 

Buck looked… pained. His eyes were tight, and wet looking - bright with gathering tears, and Eddie hated the whole moment even more. He hated Mrs. Buckley for not minding her own goddamn business, and for spilling it out here for everyone to see. Somehow, he’d have thought she’d have preferred a quiet confrontation. He hated Josh and Albert for sitting around listening as it happened, instead of finding some excuse to leave and give them at least some fucking semblance of privacy. 

He hated that he and Buck had been put in this position - to either try to keep lying or just admit it. Even by not straight up denying it, it was as good as confirming it.

Mostly, Eddie kind of hated himself for needing to leave. He was panicking and he knew it and he hated that he was going to let himself run somewhere else to deal with it. 

Hated that he was breaking his promise to be there for Buck no matter what, to have his back through this mess. 

He’d meant it, when he said it. He really fucking had thought that there’d be nothing to send him from Buck’s side against his parents.

Eddie just… hadn’t considered this happening. Hadn’t expected just how intense the panic he was feeling was hitting. 

He hated how Buck just nodded, letting him go. He wasn’t sure if he wanted Buck to follow and convince him to stay, or to leave with him back home, or…. He didn’t know.

He just hated everything about what was happening. He had no idea how to stop it, though, not in a way that he thought he could keep himself together through. 

Somehow, Eddie made it out to his truck. He sat in it for a lot longer than he meant to, bent over with his forehead on the steering wheel. The numbness in his hands and face faded into cold, and the tightness in his throat loosened up into just an ache, and he realized he was clenching his jaw so much it hurt up into his fucking cheekbones practically. He made himself breathe. Made himself practice some of the exercises he’d learned from therapy. Grabbed a bottle of water that was half drunk from a few days ago, sitting in the cup holder between the front seats, and drank some of it slowly.

It was almost one in the morning. He didn’t want to go home - face Vic and Mari’s questions - but he wasn’t sure he could bring himself to go back inside. Embarrassment, shame, something a lot like fear - it kept him glued to the seat of his truck.

Even though it felt like his hands should be shaking, they weren’t. They were completely steady as he pulled out his phone to make an emergency appointment with Frank.


End file.
